He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
