Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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