he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
