he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
