it wasn't lemon gatorade
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
