Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
