You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
