I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
