is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
