Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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