Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
