I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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