I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
