First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
