I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
