call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
