So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
