Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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