How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
