How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
