I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
