he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
