my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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