i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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