I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
