when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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