I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
