i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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