there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
