sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
