OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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