My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
