he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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