There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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