Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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