Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
