How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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