Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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