We're like a lot better than the average bears
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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