Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
