weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
