how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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