how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
