You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
