if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
