is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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