i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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