It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
