She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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