guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
